Emotional Storytelling, from a Fruit Company
Elevate Your Donation Letters with This 3-Point Structure
The other day I was at my friend’s house to drop off a plate of cookies. On her counter was a box of Harry and David pears.
I didn’t grow up eating pears, but I’m a bit of a foodie and had to have a peek inside the box. I found an inspiring brand story that was more original and moving than much of the nonprofit writing I saw in 2020.
On a tiny insert within the box, it said these 117 words:
Wind-scarred Pears
Noticing the unique markings on your Royal Rivera® Pears? These blemishes are called wind scars and are the result of high winds whipping tree branches and causing abrasions to the skin of our delicate pears. Sadly, these same winds contributed to the spread of devastating fires in our Southern Oregon community – destroying homes and displacing countless people.
We often pride ourselves in the beauty of our Royal Riviera® Pears, and this harvest is no exception, if only in a different way. These scars are a reminder of what our community has been through and how we’ve rallied to support one another. The untouched, juicy, delicious interior of the pear demonstrates – it’s what’s inside that counts.
This style of writing is a far cry from the sparse, journalistic way I first learned to write. And it’s more passive and less readable than your donation letters need to be.
But when you take a look at the structure, you see that the copywriter was very clear about what she or he was trying to convey.
The beginning focuses on your personal experience. The copy connects directly with the reader addressing the appearance of their pears. It uses the power word “you” which increases readability vs. “we” or “our” which decrease readability.
It doesn’t back into the piece with non-related fluff like, “We hope this note finds you healthy and well.” And it doesn’t waste time with trite introductory clauses like, “In these unprecedented and challenging times.” It just gets to the point that is most relevant and relatable to you, the reader.
The middle takes you on an emotional journey. The copy takes you from your kitchen to faraway orchards where strong winds are lashing pear trees. Then you zoom out to the community context of how these same winds are whipping up fires and displacing people from their homes. (It doesn’t have to mention that those people are not eating spotty pears in their kitchens.) This is the dramatic climax of the piece, deftly plucking the strings of empathy for others and gratitude for your relative safety.
It ends by making the transaction transformational. You bought fruit, but you got so much more in return. You received a sweet symbol of community resilience, perseverance, and generosity. And even though you’re not in Southern Oregon, you’re now a part of that larger community through your awareness and purchase. In fact, it’s a reflection of who you are inside as a person.
I don’t know about you, but that kind of writing makes me want to buy pears!
As nonprofit writers, we have rich stories to tell about the individuals we serve and the communities that we live and work in. These stories have the potential to be much more engaging than a tale about fruit.
But it’s easy to launch into writing donation letters without first stopping and thinking through this simple, 3-point structure. How will you connect with the donor’s personal experience? From there, what kind of emotional journey will you take them on? And finally, why is their donation meaningful in ways that transcend its monetary value?
You have these answers inside you. You just need to take a few minutes to jot down your answers to these questions before you open your laptop.
If you do that, I know your writing will become clearer and more convincing to donors. And won’t that be sweet!
