3 Donation Letters That Broke My Heart, in All the Wrong Ways
Boost Your Direct Mail Performance with Best Practices
Opening mail from nonprofits I love is normally a brief respite from this topsy-turvy world. I get to read inspiring stories, see pictures of a smiling kid (or family or puppies!), and feel that warm fuzziness that gives me hope and sustenance to keep up the good fight.
So I was delighted when I recently received three direct mail pieces from organizations I admire. But my heart broke when I read them. In fact, it broke twice.
The first time, as a donor. I wasn’t inspired to give. The second time, as a professional fundraiser. These organizations left money on the table because they didn’t follow best practices.
What went wrong?
Cold as ICE
My husband and I support an immigrant and refugee rights organization. We received a donation letter that laid out, in excruciating detail, all the horrendous conditions facing immigrants in ICE detention centers right now. I don’t want to ruin your day, but here’s just a taste:
“Migrants in detention report being put in unsafe situations, such as cleaning infected areas, handling food, or standing in crowded lines.”
“This place is a concentration camp in which we can only sit and wait for the worst.”
“For dinner we were given two slice (sic) of rotted ham and two portions of bread.”
The donation letter even included homework for its donors – a print out of an MSNBC article with even more depressing quotes and facts.
I thought that I had accidentally been put on their acquisition list! A negative story often works well to acquire donors. That’s why the ASPCA runs those darned commercials. But it stinks for retention and upgrade.
Because as a current donor, I’m now frozen with fear and despair. I already know things are bad. That’s why I gave this group money to help migrants.
But now I’m wondering if I should throw good money after bad. Based on this across-the-board bad news, I feel like I’m not helping anything. And I desperately want to hear a story with a smidgen of hope.
Psychological research has shown that the brain processes stories differently than facts. We let down our intellectual guard with stories and perceive fewer “false notes” than we do with facts. That’s why experienced fundraisers – the ones focused on raising revenue – know to always lead with an uplifting story for donor retention.
I want to learn how Marco was released and is excelling in his new life. I want to see pics of Gabriela and her child, reunited and getting used to their new neighborhood. I want to see positive change!
But I feel like I just read a legal brief. And that doesn’t inspire me to give.
We, we, we
Time for some tough talk. Donors are self-centered. They give because it makes them feel good.
They tend to mentally check out when an appeal focuses on your organization. Because they care more about how their money works through your organization than about your organization itself.
Think of your donors as the hero of a movie. You are the supporting actor who makes them shine.
Here’s an example from the second donation request letter that disappointed me. The underlines and bolding are my own.
We’re two months away and $376,540 shy of reaching our fiscal year-end goal. Now more than ever, we need you.
We remain open to serve our communities, while creating additional resources and emergency relief. Canceling our events has impacted our financials and our ability to better meet these needs. We’ve increased expenses to care for our clients and keep our staff safe, stretching our tight budget even further.
This nonprofit referred to itself 11 times and the donor (me!) once in this sample. And in the remaining five paragraphs, “you” occurs only once more!
Reading this, I felt like a voiceless extra in a background shot when I wanted to be a star.
One of the ways to make your donor feel like a hero is to use “you” or “your” language twice as much as “I”, “we”, or “our” language.
As star writing coach Ann Wylie says, don’t “we-we” on your donors if you want them to respond. In fact, there’s research dating back to 1934 that shows first-person pronouns reduce readability.
After you draft a donation letter, try to rewrite any reference to your organization to focus on the donor. For example, you can turn “Now more than ever, we need you.” to “Your community needs you now more than ever!”
Single-handedly saving USPS
I recently bought more awesome T-rex stamps. I got something useful (stamps) and fun (dinos!), and I felt a tad bit better about USPS’ future stability.
But I shed a little tear when I received a thick donation request letter with this stamp.
Because I don’t expect you to read 1 pt. font, it says NON-MACHINEABLE SURCHAGE. In English that means this nonprofit paid way too much for postage – $0.40 per piece too much ($0.581 per piece instead of $0.178 per piece with the nonprofit postage rate).
And why the wasted money on postage? Because the paper stock they printed their newsletter on is too thick for USPS’ automation machines.
Don’t try to save USPS all on your own! Instead, do plan every ounce of weight and micron of thickness for your mailing.
Generally, choose the lightest paper you can without the ink bleeding through the reverse side. For letters, we often recommend 60# or 70# text.
For newsletters, 80# gloss works well. And do consider different size envelopes if you have a lot of pieces. The number of folds impacts the total thickness of a mailer.
But don’t worry too much if the production details go over your head. Rely on a trusted printing and mailing service to help you choose the best options — at the right time — to maximize your direct mail investment.
There’s hope
Now I won’t stop my support for these organizations because of these appeals. I love them despite them not being perfect all the time.
And I’m so glad they got a direct mail piece out the door because even a “bad” donation letter performs better than an email.
I critique because I care, deeply. And I want them (and you) to maximize their fundraising resources – time, energy, and money – so they can do more good in the world.
I realize direct mail is an art and a science that requires attention to dozens of tiny details that all add up to one effective whole. It’s hard to get everything right. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Abeja can help a little, or a lot.
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